Im a Realist

I am so sick of f-ing Brits and their holier than now attitude toward American soccer.  Wanna know the funny part…the word soccer comes from them!  When they first started Football Associations in Britain, in order to shorten the wording, they called them soc’s, the third fourth and fifth letters of ass0ciations.  So when they referred to football teams they were called Soccer’s.

So when a Brit brought “football” to the states, it was called Soccer and it stuck.  So for all you jackasses out there making fun of soccer in the United States, blame the Brits, they invented it.

So at least they didn’t take the first 3 letters or we would be playing Asser!

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It seems once again, historic words once used to describe me have come back to prove itself once again. Here is and I quote the ever true words from a dear friend, Teddy: “My friend, you are a magnet for crap, and right now you have a whirlwind of crap hovering around you occasionally smashing you in the face.” Yeah, great pep talk.

Today though, was just another day, until I decided to stretch the limits by just the odd hair. Here goes…

In an air of consistency all 3 of my airport pickups today were ahead of schedule by an average of 30 minutes. This was # 2. I had actually picked this client up from her house in the early morning and brought her to the airport. She was having lunch in Boston. I usually just go around the block, but that’s just me.

In order to make it on time, I made the decision not to park in the parking structure, but to go curbside outside of this particular airline door. The airport does not allow for these vehicles to be left unattended. This is where I tried to stretch it, because I really had to pee. I left the car running, but locked the doors, hoping to keep away the security/police for maybe 5 minutes. As I was done doing what I did my customer came walking out and we walked towards the car together. Getting closer, I noticed three police officers and a sniffing dog surrounding my vehicle.

Upon announcing that I was the driver, the police officer asked for my driver’s license. I gladly handed it over, hoping my cooperation would soon settle this and be on my merry way. That’s when I noticed the parking ticket on my front window. So much for being merry. The police officer continued by asking my passenger whether our ride was pre-arranged. She acknowledged. Luckily she was very nice about it, I had been driving her several times before.

After waiting in the car for about five minutes I see the officer getting out of his car and I get out of my car, hoping to speed things up a little bit. As I walk up to him, his radio loudly says: “It’s been suspended.” Trying to ignore what I just heard hoping that if I don’t talk about it, maybe he won’t say anything bad about my driver’s license, but I couldn’t help myself. “Did he just say my driver’s license has been suspended?” Uh yeah, since June of ‘09.              ……Gulp…..

He calls the MVA to make sure that there aren’t any misinformation items on my record. Nope, definitely suspended. Immediatly my fantastical brain goes “TADA” you have your PSC license. I pull out the license and show him I had gotten it about 4 months after supposedly my license was suspended. You don’t get a Public Service Commission License without having a excellent driving record. Even the cop realized that. He let me go with just the parking ticket and told me to drive as good as possible and get my license straightened out in the morning. I told him I had another pickup at the airport in a few hours. He said with a big smile: “Well, just don’t park it here.” And I didn’t.

I’m not even worried about the parking ticket. I’m not worried about the suspended license. I’m not worried about my company finding out (okay a tiny bit). I have to call my wife and let her know my stupidity cost us $50,-. Oh, I’m in trouble.

- Limo driver

(View my blog and read more of these posts here)

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People who come by unannounced…there should be a name for them. I took a day off today because my boss asked me to work yesterday while everyone else had a day off. Home alone for an entire day was a dream come true. I was planning to do NOTHING ALL DAY.

Around 10 I finally got out of bed and moved over to the couch. Still in my underwear, bowl of cereal and Transformers on my blu-ray. 20 min into the movie the door bell rings. My thoughts are that its just a door-to-door salesman or a jehova couple, so I was gonna pretend no one’s home.

Door bell rings again…still sitting quietly on a couch. A few seconds later someone is knocking on the door. So now I am pissed. WTF?! Even if you think that someone is home you should get the hint if no one answers.

A few seconds later, another knock on the door. So I get off the couch and rush to the door ready to rip this person a new asshole. I open the door to find out that its my girlfriend’s mother who decided to come by and say hi.

I am not yet married and I already don’t like this woman. There definitely should be a name for people like this.

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I had a meeting at noon today, so I didn’t have time to grab lunch before it. It got out around 1, so I decided to run out to Subway and grab something quick for lunch.

I am standing in line and there are only 2 people in front of me. Here comes my turn and I order a “$5 footlong” on wheat. The girl pulls out the last bread from the tray, and I ask her if the bread was fresh. “Of course,” she replied. I pay and sit down to enjoy my sub. I take the first bite to find out that the bread is rock hard.

Here is where the story gets better. I finish the sub without saying anything to the Subway people, because I don’t have time nor energy to argue. I am about to walk out and  see the girl bring our a brand-new tray with wheat bread on it.

Ain’t that a bitch!

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Get this…I get a call today. Was not sure who it was, so I did not get it. Beep – they left a voicemail. Something along these lines:

Hello, this is your electric company calling. We are showing that you have 3 month of outstanding electric bills. Please make sure to call us or send in your payment immediately. If the payment is not received, your service will be suspended.

Now I am freaking out. Where have my payments been going? Who has been receiving them? If it was not the electric company, then who? I get right back on the phone and call them. I am on hold for close to 20 minutes. Finally, I get someone.

Long story short, this particular company tracks customer accounts by their phone number. So, some dumb ass that had my phone number 3 years ago decided not to pay their electric bill for 3 months. I get the call, I freak out, I wasted time…this is crap!

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