Im a Realist

I am so sick of f-ing Brits and their holier than now attitude toward American soccer.  Wanna know the funny part…the word soccer comes from them!  When they first started Football Associations in Britain, in order to shorten the wording, they called them soc’s, the third fourth and fifth letters of ass0ciations.  So when they referred to football teams they were called Soccer’s.

So when a Brit brought “football” to the states, it was called Soccer and it stuck.  So for all you jackasses out there making fun of soccer in the United States, blame the Brits, they invented it.

So at least they didn’t take the first 3 letters or we would be playing Asser!

It seems once again, historic words once used to describe me have come back to prove itself once again. Here is and I quote the ever true words from a dear friend, Teddy: “My friend, you are a magnet for crap, and right now you have a whirlwind of crap hovering around you occasionally smashing you in the face.” Yeah, great pep talk.

Today though, was just another day, until I decided to stretch the limits by just the odd hair. Here goes…

In an air of consistency all 3 of my airport pickups today were ahead of schedule by an average of 30 minutes. This was # 2. I had actually picked this client up from her house in the early morning and brought her to the airport. She was having lunch in Boston. I usually just go around the block, but that’s just me.

In order to make it on time, I made the decision not to park in the parking structure, but to go curbside outside of this particular airline door. The airport does not allow for these vehicles to be left unattended. This is where I tried to stretch it, because I really had to pee. I left the car running, but locked the doors, hoping to keep away the security/police for maybe 5 minutes. As I was done doing what I did my customer came walking out and we walked towards the car together. Getting closer, I noticed three police officers and a sniffing dog surrounding my vehicle.

Upon announcing that I was the driver, the police officer asked for my driver’s license. I gladly handed it over, hoping my cooperation would soon settle this and be on my merry way. That’s when I noticed the parking ticket on my front window. So much for being merry. The police officer continued by asking my passenger whether our ride was pre-arranged. She acknowledged. Luckily she was very nice about it, I had been driving her several times before.

After waiting in the car for about five minutes I see the officer getting out of his car and I get out of my car, hoping to speed things up a little bit. As I walk up to him, his radio loudly says: “It’s been suspended.” Trying to ignore what I just heard hoping that if I don’t talk about it, maybe he won’t say anything bad about my driver’s license, but I couldn’t help myself. “Did he just say my driver’s license has been suspended?” Uh yeah, since June of ‘09.              ……Gulp…..

He calls the MVA to make sure that there aren’t any misinformation items on my record. Nope, definitely suspended. Immediatly my fantastical brain goes “TADA” you have your PSC license. I pull out the license and show him I had gotten it about 4 months after supposedly my license was suspended. You don’t get a Public Service Commission License without having a excellent driving record. Even the cop realized that. He let me go with just the parking ticket and told me to drive as good as possible and get my license straightened out in the morning. I told him I had another pickup at the airport in a few hours. He said with a big smile: “Well, just don’t park it here.” And I didn’t.

I’m not even worried about the parking ticket. I’m not worried about the suspended license. I’m not worried about my company finding out (okay a tiny bit). I have to call my wife and let her know my stupidity cost us $50,-. Oh, I’m in trouble.

- Limo driver

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……How cool is my job? Very cool, but let’s not get distracted from the story because of the fact that my job is way better then your sorry ass job. :-p

So dispatch calls me and says we might have a Randy Couture sighting. The client was a female, the credit card revealed our hero’s identity though. Apparently alot of people are interested in who she is, because it is not his wife. We had some good conversation and she is not the person others have expressed she is. She even took this picture of me and Randy C.

Anyway, I’m picking her back up tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. Monday Night Raw is in town and I am sure I’ll be driving Shawn Michaels again. Hopefully I’ll be able to proof that to you.

- Limo driver

People who come by unannounced…there should be a name for them. I took a day off today because my boss asked me to work yesterday while everyone else had a day off. Home alone for an entire day was a dream come true. I was planning to do NOTHING ALL DAY.

Around 10 I finally got out of bed and moved over to the couch. Still in my underwear, bowl of cereal and Transformers on my blu-ray. 20 min into the movie the door bell rings. My thoughts are that its just a door-to-door salesman or a jehova couple, so I was gonna pretend no one’s home.

Door bell rings again…still sitting quietly on a couch. A few seconds later someone is knocking on the door. So now I am pissed. WTF?! Even if you think that someone is home you should get the hint if no one answers.

A few seconds later, another knock on the door. So I get off the couch and rush to the door ready to rip this person a new asshole. I open the door to find out that its my girlfriend’s mother who decided to come by and say hi.

I am not yet married and I already don’t like this woman. There definitely should be a name for people like this.

Not the we didn’t already know this but I feel he may have gone a little far and stretched the boundaries of what is acceptable.  I was driving and heard one of the blurb style commercials he has and …bam, I couldn’t believe what I heard.  He is now blaming the Democrats for the Fort Hood killing spree.  This is how he connected it: the dems had a provision eliminated in the patriot act that stops the government from spying on private citizens, in turn he said, due to the change, we would have known this was going to happen if the provision was still there.  My take on this is… go dems!  First I don’t want the government to have free access to my private matters, second  I can’t believe he supports that amount of government access.   Last but not least, he should not have politicized this, its a tragedy and shouldn’t be cheapened.